Well obviously it wasn't these things that lead us to knowing my hubby was ill. No unfortunately things seemed to escalate quite quickly.
In October things stepped up, nothing specific, just his attitude, of course not to him, but we argued loads - not just your typical arguments, his tone became really aggressive and volatile. But again it was portrayed as my fault, but this time I had had enough. So I kept pushing and argued back, maybe in glorious hindsight, not such a good idea, as 4 pints of milk went flying through the air and exploded in the kitchen, on one afternoon. Believe me it went everywhere. Don't cry over spilt milk they say, well I didn't but I did go a bit nuts!! Yep me, not him.
Well that was it, I was ready to leave, I'd had enough, but shit Christmas was coming, the kids would be hugely affected, could I do it to them? No I couldn't.
Christmas however, was lovely. No big issues, he seemed quite calm, so I was calm and the kids had a great time :)
Happy New Year. Well actually no. The rollercoaster gained speed rapidly, we had climbed up slowly and were now hurtling back down at break neck speed.
We went to the doctor, and he suspected Bi Polar - Crap!!! But at the same point to have a reason for the behaviour was also a relief. Unfortunately the relief turned into uncertainty for him as he started to disappear on me. Literally go out and be gone for hours. I would walk around town and call people to find out where he was, and most instances he was in a pub. Not drunk, but completely unaware that he was causing any distress to me or the kids.
It got to the point where I would call the police. I became extremely worried about him, as he had started to shake a lot, and his behaviours were becoming more erratic.
One Friday afternoon, he done it again. I literally became frantic, I went up to school early and got the kids, I was shaking and worried, not a pretty sight. But the teachers were great and got the kids for me without too many questions, I obviously looked like it wasn't a good idea to ask. Trying to hide it from the kids was difficult but I think I done an ok job.
Anyway finally located, I locked the door and took his key off him. Scared is a bland way of describing how I was feeling.
The plan. Monday morning we were going to get this sorted, no matter what!